Hi! I'm Hazel!

6/11/25 - Heheheh

Ya girl got her driver's license today <3 most people get it at 16 but I waited til age 22 heheh

6/1/25 - Spain, Job, and Driving! :0

So, this past week's been busy! Yesterday I got back home from a week-long family trip to Barcelona, Spain. It was a pretty great trip, even if a bit exhausting physically and mentally.

The Pros:

• The city had very cool architecture

• There were gelato places everywhere, delicious

• I got to practice speaking Spanish on a daily basis

• I got to see the Sagrada Família, and the interior was so jaw-droppingly incredible that I actually got emotional

The Cons:

• One week of uninterrupted time with my family can get a bit exhausting

• I shared a room with my sister, which made it even worse, since she's constantly mean to me

• I missed my home and my friends

During the last full day we were there, I got quite a lovely call from a company I previously interned with, telling me they were giving me a job offer! So, later this month I will become a full-time Software Engineer :)

Last but—actually, maybe this is least—I'm driving again! I haven't been behind the wheel in about four years, but today I restarted my practice. The goal is to get my license by the time my job starts, which is about 3 weeks away.

In conclusion: Hell Yeah

5/18/25 - College 100%

Two days ago, I graduated from college, receiving a Computer Science degree (having minored in Music). The past four years of my life have been by far the best. I have grown in meaningful ways and have become a person I'm proud of. I managed to figure out who I am and what matters to me. I also realized that estrogen is a godsend and that my life is so much better with it in my system. I love the friends I've made dearly, and I intend to remain close with them for the rest of my life. They're pretty cool :3

Fun little story: I missed the final exam for one of my classes. Big oopsie there. I thought it was on May 14, but on the night of the 12th, I was in bed, and realized "wait... didn't she say something about it being on the 12th?" I checked my phone and... yep, I missed the final, meaning I would fail the class and thus not get my Music minor. Turns out I thought it was the 14th because the official class syllabus said it was on that day. She had said the correct date in class and over emails, but because early in the semester I had written down the 14th, that date was locked into my head. I emailed her explaining the situation, and that the official syllabus document's date was incorrect, and she essentially said "Your fault, I said the correct date elsewhere". Within a day, I had gotten in touch with the relevant school dean, and by the next morning, she had made my professor give me a make-up exam. I took it that afternoon and passed the class! Just goes to show, you... well... I guess you shouldn't write down the wrong final exam date on your class syllabus. Yes, that is definitely the takeaway here.

Regardless, I'm done now! It's strange to think that homework and grades are a thing of the past now. My current mission is to get a job offer. I'll figure that out.

Another fun story! On the day of our graduation... actually, that story isn't for you. You'll just have to live with the knowledge that I have a very fun, silly story about my graduation that you won't ever know. Sorry 'bout that! My friends know what I'm talking about :3

5/7/25 - How to make Minecraft special again (warning, my longest blog post yet!)

I've been playing Minecraft on and off for 13 years now—over half my life, somehow. Hell, I have little cousins who play Minecraft, who weren't even alive yet when I was introduced to the game. I have countless fond memories of this game, but after so long, it's a bit more difficult to grow attached to a specific world. For a long time, I was a victim of the standard "2-week Minecraft phase", where every few years I would start a new Survival world and grind it for about two weeks before dropping the game again. More than once, I started a world, then deleted it soon after since it just didn't feel special. Why would I play on a world I had no emotional connection to? What would it take to really care about a world again?

I found the answer in the summer of 2024.

I don't remember where the inspiration came from, but I had the idea of making a new Minecraft world, but this time, putting aside progression and efficiency in favor of building, coziness, and simple fun. I wouldn't make an automatic iron farm, I wouldn't make a villager trading hall to get perfect gear as fast as possible, I wouldn't even go to the Nether until I wanted glowstone. And you know what? it worked. I made a cozy little home in the jungle, I make comfortable pens for my animals instead of jamming them into tight spaces, and I went out of my way to develop my little area in a way that was fun. Although I don't play on that world anymore—I got too busy with my internship that summer and fell out of the habit of playing—I think it's still one of the most important Minecraft worlds I've ever made.

Fast-forward to a couple of months ago, I was itching to start a new world. Having learned my lessons from the previous world, I didn't want to jump back into Survival mode too hastily, I wanted to wait until the moment felt right. And that moment didn't take long, because the release of 1.21.5 was pretty motivating. I had also learned by this point that I really prefer Minecraft with a handful of mods installed—not crazy, game-changing mods, but simpler stuff, small tweaks to make the game more fun. Shaders, performance boosters, plenty of quality-of-life additions, they just make me enjoy the game more. You can find a full list of mods I'm currently using here. I started up my world, and things were very, very fun. I didn't ignore progression to quite the same extent as my previous world. I still logged about 24 hours of playtime before going to the Nether, and I certainly did not rush to the End to kill the dragon, but I did engage with the progression that Mojang designed. It's a part of the game, it makes sense that it's fun to do. I worked on builds, expanding my little mountainside home into a small town, and went on numerous long expeditions to find various biomes and structures.

I have been playing on this world nearly every day for over a month now, easily exceeding the standard 2-week timeframe. What's really keeping me going is vision—I want to expand my building, making fun structures and nature paths all around, and work on some longer-term projects. The big project of this world is the museum, which I've named the Archive. It's a big cherry wood mansion, with 3 stories plus an attic, with walls covered in item frames. The goal is to fill these item frames with one of every block and item obtainable in Survival Minecraft. I'm currently 41% complete, having 527 blocks/items in item frames and checked off. The full list I'm working off of can be found in the previous blog post. It's quite good progress, but I'm missing some hard items—end-game things like the Elytra (which I plan to never use) and every shulker box color, every pottery sherd, every armor trim, every music disc (some of them aren't easy), et cetera. I have knocked out some of the difficult challenges, like getting creeper, zombie, and piglin heads, and getting every item exclusive to the Ancient City, but I have a lot of work to do. The building itself is finished, at least, and I'm quite proud of it—it's easily the best build I've ever made in Survival mode.

Anyways—specifics to this world aside, here are a few things that I've found are important if you want to make a world feel special:

• Don't avoid the game's progression, but don't prioritize it over all else. Instead, think of it as one part of the game—an important part, but still just one aspect. Space out the progression, too—don't go to the Nether right away, and once you do, don't rush straight to the End. After you kill the dragon, don't necessarily
  rush off to the End cities. I have over 100 hours played on my world at this point, and I still haven't ventured out from the main End island.

• Automate as little as possible. Unless you really hate gathering a specific material, make sure the side-quests of gathering it stay a part of your Survival experience. It can be very fun and relaxing to have little chores to do. Harvesting crops, gathering sand, mining for iron—it can all be a good time, and it helps keep the game from going too fast.

• Take your time. This applies to every aspect of the game—progression, transportation, building, resource-gathering, everything. Transportation is a big one here, though—your goal shouldn't be to get from point A to point B as fast as possible, it should be to make that journey in the most enjoyable way possible. If the trip is overly long or dull, then sure, get on a boat and zip down your Nether ice highway. But if you're just walking from one end of your base to the other, slow down and take in the sights. Maybe even avoid sprinting altogether. This is something I still struggle with—I love teleporting around with Ender pearls—but I think it's important to keep in mind.

• Have both long-term and short-term goals. In my experience, it's healthy to have a couple big projects you're slowly working towards in the background, but to distract yourself with shorter, smaller projects in the meantime. I'm trying to fill out my museum, for instance, but I spend a minority of my time in this world directly working toward that.

• Create something for everything. This goes right along with having short-term goals—if you have a need in your world, build something around it, or otherwise make it fun and interesting! When I was hatching Sniffer eggs, I didn't just throw them in a hole somewhere; I built a whole cozy area for them, even giving them names and coming up with personalities for them. When I wanted mud bricks for my enchantment building's floor, instead of just running to the ocean to place dirt in the water, I made a cute little station for turning dirt into mud. Make projects—big or small—out of everything you do. It'll give you more to do, and slowly accumulating more and more fun builds will make the world feel so much more special to you.

• Remember that the world is for you. Don't worry about what other people might think of your builds, focus on whether or not you yourself like them. If you don't actually care about color theory, for example, then don't follow it. Go wild, placing anything wherever. If you're playing singleplayer, and you aren't playing solely for yourself, then what are you even here for?

I love my current Survival world, and I intend on turning it into a forever world—a world that I develop in the span of years, not weeks. I hope you find these tips helpful, because they sure were for me :)

4/8/25 - Minecraft blocks/items list :D

I compiled a list of every block/item obtainable in Survival mode in Minecraft: Java Edition, in the order that they were introduced to the game! You can view it here :) I made it since I intend to create a museum in my current survival world, with an item frame containing each item in the game.

That's all!

4/3/25 - Blog updates, Episode 1!

I realized recently that there are multiple blog posts on this page that warrant updates. So, here they are!

[theme song plays]

First on our list, December's medical sub-plot! I said that I hurt my knee and that I was on crutches for the time being. With help from physical therapy, I graduated from crutches to just a cane, and now I'm off of that, too! My knee is certainly not yet normal—I can't walk long distances without pain, and it feels distinctly unstable. So, I'm still attending PT twice weekly. Hopefully, one day my knee will stop deciding to make my life more difficult.

[transition jingle plays]

On December 29th, I mentioned having had a pretty bad Christmas, and I promised to blog the epic tale of that arduous night. I never did make that post, so here's a poem about it instead!

[smooth jazz fades in. there is a goat cry in the distance.]

Like a nuclear strike on a family farm, the knee was Not Good

Foot swelling; mother worried; blood clot?

The ER waits for a tired cat

Needles! Ouch! The vein hides from the IV like a child hides from a speeding Cybertruck

The Cat Waits. Like a caterpillar in a blender, she is not having a good time

The CT scan was scary. No figurative language here, I was just scared of that machine.

Like a restaurant server, the cat had to wait

And, like the average beach pebble, she had no blood clots in her foot, or anywhere else for that matter.

[jazz fades out. commercial break ensues]

[commercial break ends]

In early January, I decided that I wanted my 2025 to be a "Year of Art". I wanted to learn to draw. I practiced for a while, and I *did* get better—but not long after, I realized that, while I liked the idea of honing a drawing skill, I didn't actually enjoy the process of improving all that much. My drawing sessions felt more like a chore than something I actually enjoyed. So, the Year of Art ended soon after it began. It's possible that I would have enjoyed the craft more if I had gotten better, but it felt odd to spend my time improving at a hobby I didn't even enjoy, with the blind hope that I would like it more in the future.

[transition jingle again]

Ah, yes, Cookie Clicker. I actually did pretty well with this one. To date, I have every achievement in the game, with the exception of two categories: Achievements for clicking massive amounts of Golden Cookies, and achievements that simply require waiting many months to earn Sugar Lumps.

I still intend to 100% this game one day, but there isn't much I can do right now. In some unknown amount of months, I will open the game with enough Sugar Lumps to earn most remaining achievements. Then, I will have all but two, and I will then be forced to spend my remaining days clicking golden cookie after golden cookie. Sounds like fun!

[blehhh]

Lightning round! Here are a few extra updates:

- my classes are fine. I'm worried about Networks, but I'm on track to pass the class with a C or so, which is fine

- I still adore Stan, though he's spent a lot of time recently using the restroom anywhere besides in his litter box

- My wisdom teeth recovery was slower than I expected, but mostly fine

- I got a few Beyblades, and though they're fakes, they work well enough. I lost my brief re-obsession with the toys, so now I'll be slightly less annoying :3 /j

- I still don't have a job offer, but I have an interview scheduled for one I'm quite qualified for!

Well, that's all for this episode! Thanks for checking out... [dum dum dum] The Hazel Zone! See you next time, folks!

[outro plays. somebody screams]

4/1/25 - Everything is going to be okay

This sentence has been stuck in my head for months now. I keep repeating it, both to myself and to others. I was thinking about it this morning, and I think I've finally realized why.

I don't necessarily believe that everything is going to be okay. I think many things will be okay, but not everything. Many people's lives have already been irreversibly damaged due to the current political climate of the US, and its current presidential administration. It gets even worse elsewhere, like in Ukraine and in the Middle East. Some things, many things, will not be okay. It's important to recognize that.

However, I do think it's also important—vital, in fact—to believe that everything is going to be okay. I don't think people should convince themselves that the atrocities of the world aren't real, but we should have faith that, with time and hard work, the atrocities will lessen. Without that belief, nobody could do anything, and life would be over before it ended.

When I say faith, I don't mean God. If you're religious, and that brings you peace, then I am happy for you—but what I mean is faith in ourselves as a species to strive for the betterment of our world. Good is constantly at war against evil, and that will continue for as long as I live (and long after). "Everything is going to be okay" is not a literal belief of mine that comes from burying my head in the sand and ignoring the world. It's a mantra that stems from my need to be optimistic, my need for faith in my kind, and—above everything else—a saying that gets me through the day. And I think that's all it needs to be.

3/26/25 - Grief is strange

A few days ago, I heard the news that a girl I had known briefly online had passed away. She and I had talked for a couple weeks, back in mid-2023, but we lost contact soon after. Though we shared nearly 2,000 Discord DMs in the time we knew each other, I never got to know her as well as I would have liked. When I heard the news, it hit me hard; that night, I cried 5 or 6 separate times, grieving the loss of someone I considered a friend. We hadn't been super close, no, and I hadn't talked to her in a long time, but the time we did spend in contact was special to me. I think I was special to her, too—during our first conversation, when she mentioned disliking her birth name, I suggested a replacement, and that name I gave her was the one she chose to use for the rest of her life, even on her obituary. Additionally, based on what a real-life friend of hers told me, the kind of affection she showed me wasn't one she showed to many other people, which was so special to hear. I mourn what our friendship could have been had we not lost contact. More than anything, I mourn the fact that I never got to know her better.

She was a lovely person, inside and out, though she never believed me when I told her how pretty I thought she was. Based on our talks, I think she had a lot of sadness inside of her. It hurts me that she never got the chance to recover before the world took her away, but even so, she was always so wonderful to talk to. She made art that I always found so beautiful and meaningful, even if she was never quite proud of it. And she was so, so sweet to me. She made me feel good about myself and my body—she told me so many times how pretty she thought I was, even when I was having trouble believing it.

She didn't deserve to die, especially so young—she was my age, just 22. I still feel on the verge of tears when I think about her too much. I don't think I've cried over her for the last time yet, but I think that's healthy—I've gone through a loss, and it's taking me time to process it. That's life, and that's death. The world is cruel, but it's also beautiful, and sometimes it's kind enough to give us people like her.

There's a quote I really like from The Amazing Digital Circus that I think is relevant here: "Good memories can do a lot. Hold onto them. And cherish the people around you. You never know when they'll be gone. In this world, the worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved."

So long, my friend. I'll miss you, and I won't forget you.

3/18/25 - Work and Privilege

Because I'll be graduating from college this upcoming May, a recent responsibility that's been on my plate is mass-applying for jobs. It's something I've been procrastinating on, and now the need for a locked-up position is something that's hitting my in the face.

Because of my dad's connections, I have more opportunities than the average person. Because he knew people, it was easier for me to land internships than my friends, and he's having his friends help me get my foot in the door for a real full-time position, too.

There's been a long-standing question in my mind: how much of my desire to avoid work is the product of privilege, and how much is a reasonable feeling that everybody shares? Few people want to work—I think that the vast majority of people, if given the option, would keep their income without the actual responsibility of employment. I don't think I'm out of the ordinary there. I have certainly drempt of somehow worming my way out of the need for a job, while still somehow having the money to live comfortably and engage meaningfully in my interests and hobbies. I know that that isn't realistic—I need to get the money from somewhere, and that "somewhere" likely has to be a proper employer. But I worry that I indulge my imagination in those fantasies more often than the average person, more often than is reasonable. Is that okay? I like to think that it is. As long as I accept the reality of the situation—that everybody must work to earn a living, and that I am no exception—then I'm doing no harm to myself or others by wishing there was another way. But I feel anxious that by indulging in that desire, I'm dipping into my privilege and deciding that I alone deserve to be free from work. I don't think that's the case, but I worry. It's important to me that despite the environment in which I grew up, I'm able to properly appreciate the reality that most people live in, rather than becoming one of those pesky people who doesn't realize how bad things are for others.

My parents tell me that although the system is unfair, there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of the opportunities that privilege grants me, and in fact it would be dumb not to. There may be truth to that, but it still makes me feel icky. I don't like thinking about the fact that every job I've ever had was an opportunity granted to me by having the right connections though my parents—I feel gross, knowing that I might have taken the place of somebody who deserved to be there more than me. But then, the alternative is not taking advantage of my privilege at all, and having a more difficult time in the workforce because of it. Would that be the ethical thing to do, or am I right to use what options I have in a bad job market? I'm not sure.

In any case, I can't be worrying too hard right now about these dilemmas. Graduation is coming up quickly, and I have yet to even land a single interview. Whether or not it aligns with my unrealistic fantasies, or whether it's wrong of me to use my unfair position to my advantage, I need to find a job. So, back to applying it is.

3/12/25 - Beyblades, remember those? I sure do.

When I was little, I was obsessed with Beyblades. I got into them during the Metal Fusion series, was into Metal Masters as well, but lost interest by the time Metal Fury came around. I enjoyed the anime, loving the intense fights with Gingka and friends, but the toys were what really did it for me. I collected a bunch of Beyblades, having my parents buy them for me at our local Target (or maybe I had my own money for them, I don't quite remember). I loved pitting the tops against each other alone, or battling with my friends who had their own collections. It was all just a blast. I have one specific memory, perhaps in 3rd grade, of playing with Beyblades with my friend as we promised to be best friends forever. That didn't quite happen, but it's a good memory :)

I came across some Beyblade videos online recently, and it has ignited in me a yearning to purchase a bunch of them so I can play with them with my current friends. I've done research and put together a list of every Bey I want, based on what's available new on eBay. Unfortunately, that list is nearly 30 entries long. I've already ordered one—Twisted Tempo—which was my favorite as a kid. Assuming that order goes well, I'll buy a couple more along with a plastic arena :) I don't want to go overboard, since hobbies like these have the power to drain one's bank account fast, but... I loved these little tops as a kid, and I want to experience the joy of them again. I half-regret giving away my old collection, though hopefully the recipient had lots of fun with them.

All I have to do now is wait for Tempo to arrive! It's exciting :3

3/11/2025 - Goodbye, teeth!

Today I got my wisdom teeth removed! I had two upper wisdom teeth—fortunately, I wasn't born with any on the bottom. I went in with the intention to just go on nitrous oxide (laughing gas) rather than full anesthesia, but I had discussed with the doctor the possibility of switching to anesthesia day-of if there were any issues. And, issues there were—they hooked me up to the oxide, and once it hit my brain, I realized very quickly that I didn't like it at all. It made me feel very panicky, very afraid, and even after asking them to lower it, it was just too much. So, they quickly removed it and instead hooked me up to an IV. The doctor came in, and after a few minutes of preparing for the procedure, they put me to sleep. Next thing I new, I was sitting upright on a chair, with a mouth full of gauze, and two fewer teeth than before! As I type this, my face is wrapped in an ice pack holder (similar to this). I don't feel much pain, just some strange numbness—hopefully I'll recover quickly!

2/24/2025 - Cool show :3 

Last night I was able to attend a live show of The Newest Olympian, my favorite podcast! It was so surreal to see its host, Mike Schubert, in person. The show itself was just as fun and funny as I expected. During its Q&A section he answered the question I sent in, which made me so happy :) After the show ended, while waiting for my ride, I managed to work up the courage to ask Mike for a selfie :D It was all so exciting, and I'm very glad I was able to make it.

Special thanks to my friend for letting me sleep over at her apartment so I could go :) I slept on a big pet bed on top of a big beanbag, which was exceptionally cozy.

2/22/2025 - Y'all I love cats so much

Last night, I was home alone with my roommate's cat, Stan. I got lonely, so I paid the cat a visit in my roommate's bedroom. Stan has a habit of joining me for cuddles when I'm on my roommate's bed, so I lied down—and sure enough, stan walked over to say hello. Hi lied down, putting his paws on my arm, and I rested my hand on him as I closed my eyes for a bit. He then decided to get comfy, lying down with his back against my chest, his tiny little head in front of mine. It was so cozy, and it made me so happy how safe he felt with me. I pet him, and he lifted up his head to ask for neck scritches. The amount this little creature trusts me makes me so happy, and I could just tell that he knows how much we love him—he knows because he loves us right back. I cried a little bit. We snuggled for a while longer before he left, and it was just so nice. I didn't have my phone on me to take any photos, so I instead memorized the feeling of him against me. I love this little man.

2/15/2025 - Senior year class reviews

Here are my current thoughts on the four classes I'm taking for my final college semester :) cause why not! Maybe I'll do an update blog later once I finish this semester.

History of Jazz: This is an 8am class that lasts two hours, which kinda sucks—but I have a good friend in the class and I like the professor, so it isn't too awful. I've changed my sleep schedule to work with this and it's doable, even if not my first choice. The homeworks are chill, even if a bit dull sometimes, and the exams are fine as long as I show up, pay attention, and study a bit.

Western Music History: This is my least favorite class right now. It's three days a week, totaling 3.5 hours a week, and the lectures are quite dull. Technology is also forbidden in class, despite most students using the online version of the textbook, which I think is unreasonable. My Jazz class disallows laptops, but at least we can take notes on tablets, which is not allowed in Western Music. I haven't had any real exams yet (just one simple quiz), so can't speak on that.

Cybersecurity: I like the professor, I have friends in the class, and the topics are decently interesting so far. Not much to hate. We had our first quiz recently which was a bit stressful, and I can tell I'm going to have to really study for the exams. Overall not bad :)

Network Systems: This is basically a class on how the internet works, which on the surface is pretty interesting, but we're studying it so in-depth that honestly it's a bit hard to stay super interested. There's also more math than I expected, which for me is definitely a downside. The professor is fine and my friend/roommate is in the class with me, which makes it better. I'm a bit scared of the projects and exams, since the professor tells us this is quite a difficult class, but we shall see!

1/15/2025 - MEET MY PLUSHIES

The page is up!!! Go look at my plushies!!! Aaaahh!!!!!

1/15/2025 - The Catalogue is here!!

If you know me, you'll know that I'm a big sucker for candy. In an effort to pretend that my sugar-eating habits are more productive than they are, I've created my Candy Catalogue page! Here, I'll list every candy I try, along with ratings and thoughts. I think it's fun :)

1/15/2025 - New... new page? New site page for me?

New hazelcat.site page alert!! Meet our new friend, Random Thoughts!! Sometimes I have random thoughts, so those will go there :3 Yay!

Hey, I told you some of these blog posts would be short!

EDIT: as of 2/17/25 the random thoughts script runs on the home page :D

1/13/2025 - Cookie Clicker... why oh why

This winter break, trapped at home with an injured knee, I decided to boot up Cookie Clicker and start a new save file, just to pass the time.

What a decision that was.

For some reason—some God-forsaken reason—I decided that it would be neat to try and 100% Cookie Clicker. Unfortunately for me, that isn't such an easy task. One might think that this game is just about collecting cookies, and that's as simple as it gets. But you, dear reader, would be monstrously incorrect. For you see, Cookie Clicker goes much deeper than that. There's the Grandmapocalypse, the Stock Market, the Garden, Krumblor the cookie dragon, and ridiculously difficult combos I haven't even begun to wrap my head around. All for the sake of getting more and more cookies.

Some of these achievements are hard. The two I'm actively going for right now are "Last Chance to See" and "Gaseous assets". The former requires you to pop wriggly creatures called Wrinklers—but specifically, you must pop the shiny wrinkler, which has only a 1 in 10,000 chance of spawning. I've popped about 5,000 in my journey so far, but this is just pure RNG. Gaseous assets, on the other hand, requires me to work the immensely tedious stock market minigame. Buy low, sell high, rinse and repeat, over and over. The goal for this achievement is $31 million in profits, and in my days of grinding, I've only reached $4 million. Don't ask why there's a dollar sign in a game about cookies—it'd take too long to explain.

There are other ridiculously difficult achievements I have yet to grab, too: getting every seed in the garden minigame, baking 1 trevigintillion cookies, clicking 27,777 golden cookies, harvesting a golden sugar lump... the list goes on. This game is so silly, and I'm not quite sure why I care about these meaningless achievements—but dammit, I do care, and I wanna grab them all!

I'll let y'all know whether my sanity stays intact.

1/8/2025 - I think I hit a milestone

If you read the blog post right below this one, you'll know that I'm attempting to learn how to draw, and that my main goal for 2025 is to make significant improvements in that skill throughout the year. Today marked day 3 of starting this, if you don't count the 2 or 3 drawings I did last month. I've only put in a few hours of practice so far, but... I think I just hit a huge milestone. This is a drawing I made of Tsuyu Asui from My Hero Academia, based on this reference photo. I spent an hour sketching it out, then about a half hour making the line art and cleaning it up. I showed it to some friends, and one of them told me "that's REALLY good". I looked at the drawing again and realized... goodness, she was right. It did look good. I stared at it, and was astounded that I drew that, that I somehow had the skill to draw something like that. It's not a crazy drawing by any means, and there are certainly some mistakes in the drawing, but it marks something major for me—I'm finally able to draw things that I like. It's finally possible for me to draw something and not hate how it looks. My own improvement genuinely impressed me, which was a fantastic feeling.

If I can keep this up, drawing as frequently as I am now... I can't wait to see what my art looks like in a few weeks.

1/7/2025 - 2025, Year of Art

Last month, a friend of mine told me about an alternative to New Year's resolutions that she found online—yearly "themes". It's an idea proposed by YouTuber CGP Grey in a video of his. It's a great video, and a better idea. It boils down to this: New Year's resolutions are a flawed concept because they're incredibly easy to fail at, causing your motivation to keep trying to out the window. If your resolution is to lose weight, then if you accidentally gain some, it feels like you lost, or you're taking steps back. With yearly themes, the goal is to gently guide your life in a direction that aligns with the chosen theme. If your theme for 2025 is "Health", then whenever you reach a crossroads where there's one "healthy" choice and one "unhealthy" choice, trend toward the former. This also allows you to change your goal over time as you change—if your goal is to eat healthy, but financial difficulties make it harder to do so, you haven't failed—there are still other ways to work toward a Year of Health.

Now, some exposition: For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be able to draw. The problem was, I didn't have the willpower to learn to draw. For years, I kept telling myself "I just don't like drawing enough to put in the practice, and that's okay". But then, I saw this video by PewDiePie—a 100-day update on his journey learning to draw—and thought "Y'know, that sounds pretty neat". So I started drawing, right? Nah.

But then, sometime in late December of 2024, I saw his 365-day update video pop up on my feed. I didn't watch it right away, but something clicked in my brain, and I decided that I didn't want to be left behind.

My Yearly Theme for 2025 will be Art. I want to learn to draw, fulfilling the desire I've had since elementary school. I've already started, too: I downloaded a time tracker app to keep myself accountable, and yesterday I clocked in about 45 minutes. Art as a 22-year-old beginner is hard—I know that I have the capacity to improve if I just put in enough time, but it's really difficult to keep from getting discouraged by how little I like what I draw. I can spend 20 minutes trying to get a face right, and it still just looks bad. To try and counter this, I'm going to be gauging my progress mainly by the number of hours I put in. Even if I don't like what I create by the 100-hour mark, it's still a success, because I managed to clock in a huge amount of time. Hopefully, I'll be able to motivate myself by thinking about that number instead of whether or not my art is pleasing to my own eyes.

Last night, I was thinking about how most of my hobbies over the years have been something where progress is—to an extent—quantifiable. Speedcubing skill is measured in time, rock climbing skill in route grades, piano in number of difficult songs I learned, and video games in in-game stats and achievements. Art, however, has no direct way of quantifying skill. Additionally, according to some artists, one's ability to critique art grows faster than their ability to create art, meaning that seeing one's own improvement over time can be difficult. The hope with the time-tracking system is that I'll look less toward my own perceived
improvement, and more towards how much time I've invested in developing these new skills. I think it also might help mediate the frustration I'm sure to feel when comparing one day's art to the art of a few days or weeks before, because if I feel like I haven't gotten any better, the amount of time I've actually done art in that time may completely explain that lack of improvement.

The one thing I have to make sure of is that I don't start equating daily streaks with progress. I don't want to think to myself "Wow, I've drawn every day for the past x days!", because if I then miss a day, motivation will go down the drain. I've noticed similar things happen before: back in 2019 I tried writing a book, and for the sake of motivation I tried to see how many days in a row I could work on it for at least a half hour. But as soon as I missed a single day, I dropped the project entirely. Apparently, in my mind, a streak broken means progress was lost, when in reality that doesn't make sense. If I draw every day for a month, then miss a day or two, what have I lost besides some arbitrary sense of routine? I simply cannot put too much importance in doing anything every single day. Instead, I will do my best to focus solely on number of hours I spend on the task. I will attempt to replace "Wow, I did art for a half hour every day for a month!" with "Wow, I managed to bring my total time to 15 hours!". Note how I don't say "15 hours in the past month"—because then if I draw for less than 15 hours in the next month, it'll feel like a loss. We're trying to avoid that. The quality of those hours spent is important as well, but since just getting started is my biggest hurdle, I won't worry about that for now. Total hours only, get that number as high as we can! 

I'm positive that if I can put in a few hundred hours practicing drawing and attacking my weaknesses one-by-one, I will get to the point where I can be proud of what I create. So for 2025, my goal is to chase that feeling. And hey, if I draw anything worth sharing, maybe I'll make a page for my art on this site! Yippee!

1/6/2025 - Ohmygosh, there's new hazelcat.site pages!! 

Woah, a whole bunch of website updates!

Firstly, the ARG is now up and running! To be honest, I dunno if it's really an ARG—it's just a handful of secret pages that contain some vague story lore. But still, it's up! The clue to get you started is somewhere on an easily-accessible page. As of now, in total, there are 5 pieces of writing across 6 secret pages. Good luck! 

Secondly, there's a new polls page! This is nothing more than a page for me to post silly polls as frequently or infrequently as I like. Go vote in them :D

There's also a new Favorite Pokémon page, a Favorite Shows page, a Speedrunning page, and a page for fun music I've made! The "meet my plushies" page has most of its descriptions written, but I have to wait til I'm back at my apartment to take photos, so that isn't public yet.

Adding stuff to this website has been a fun thing to do over winter break, even if very few people will ever wander over to take a look. I'm happy it's up though, I like it :) It's been a good distraction from my injured knee, too—if I have to spend long hours sitting down, I might as well work on a project!

Oh yeah, and happy 2025!

P.S. This is not the first clue, but it may be useful later ;)

12/29/2024 - New site pages in development!

Just wanted to share that I've been working on a couple new pages for this site! The first is a page to show pictures of all my plushies, along with names and descriptions! I was so excited when I got that idea. The second thing I've been working on is... [drumroll pleeaase] ...an ARG! 

Long story short, there's an idea for a novel that's been in my head since high school, and I wanted a place to finally share some of the lore I developed for it. I have a couple hidden pages of vague lore written already, and when I have a few more, I'll hide the clue you need to get started! It's nothing crazy, but I was happy to find a way to work some of my worldbuilding into something the public can see. I'll let y'all know when you can start searching <3 The clue won't be too hard to find—you'll just have to get to the bottom of it ;)

I also have a blog post I want to make about how my Christmas went. Spoiler alert, it was kinda awful :( but that will have to wait until a time that isn't 3:00 in the morning!

12/26/2024 - Thoughts about music (omg we're doing titles now?)

Generally, with art and media, I connect with and hold dear things that make me feel deep feelings—e.g. I love Attack on Titan so much because it has made me feel so much stronger emotions than most media. I love that art can make me feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. But specifically with music, I find myself only frequently listening to songs that are upbeat. I can appreciate songs that make me feel a variety of emotions, but that just isn't what I'm looking for music to do for me. I turn to music when I want to be uplifted—when I want to feel a melody and smile wide as I let my body move to the rhythm. There are unhappy or more emotionally complex songs that I like, but I don't find myself returning to them on a frequent basis because those kinds of feelings aren't what I'm looking to get out of music. Music, for me, is a very positive force that makes me feel happy, and I think I'd prefer it to stay that way.

12/23/2024

Unfortunately, it looks like there's a Part 2 to the medical sub-plot! Long story short, I'm on crutches for the foreseeable future. I somehow stepped on my left leg weird while turning, and next thing I know I'm on the floor in searing pain after hearing a nasty sound from my knee. ER gave me crutches and told me I need to talk to an orthopedist (bone doctor).

Looks like stairs are gonna be a challenge now. Oopsie.

12/22/2024

As I write this, I'm sitting in a room at the doctor's office. I came here to get blood drawn and waited for an hour before they called me into this room. As of now, they've tried three different locations to take blood, but they've only managed to get 1 out of the 3 vials they need. One nurse told me it's because I haven't eaten today.

I've always hated needles, especially blood work needles, since those ones hurt especially badly going in—so today isn't a fun day. I'm waiting for the nurse to come back, trying not to cry, because all these needles are overwhelming and I'm still somehow not done. I have one bandage on the back of each hand and one on my arm. I'm just hoping that they can get a good spot on the next try and I can put this awful visit behind me.

Update: Got home with a paper in my hand: a lab work order that I have to go to tomorrow morning. Lovely.

Next-day update: Got up early, got my blood drawn, and she got a good spot on the first try! It was still overwhelming but I'm relieved that this sub-plot is over.

12/20/2024

I am an AI hater. Why are we building AIs for purposes like replicating art to replace real, passionate artists? We should be building tools to do actual labor for us to give us more time to engage in what is actually meaningful, such as creating art. The world should be making it a goal to reduce the need for human labor as much as possible, but because exploitation is profitable, that isn't the direction we're moving in. Life shouldn't be about work, yet it is. Companies use cheap AI instead of paying for real artists because corporations do not care about us. The current state of AI is the culmination of the American capitalist dystopia.

12/19/2024

I used to play a lot of a certain video game—some people reading this will know what it is. When I got back into it in April 2020 (start of quarantine), I got into it hard, and it became an obsession for about 4 years. I even had a semi-active YouTube channel with a fun little community around it. I did a lot in that game, even spending 2 years chasing a single goal. I played that game for thousands of hours. This past summer, I got an internship, and that took up so much of my time that I couldn't play the game—and at the end of the summer when I finally had free time again, I found that I had just lost interest in the game. I had little desire to get back into it and grind it out like I used to.

That's okay, though—hobbies, even passions, come and go. I never expected to be into that particular interest forever. That being said, I've been wondering whether I consider all that time sunk into the game "worth it". Thousands of hours of just playing a video game... do I not regret pouring that much of my time into a game that I don't really care about anymore? I think the answer is no, I don't regret it. Some of it maybe, sure—a lot of time mindlessly playing random sections likely could have been better spent elsewhere. But as a whole, no. I met a lot of cool people through the video game, people who I still talk to and care about; I made some cool art in it that I'm still quite proud of; and I made a mark on the internet with my online following, something I had for years wanted to do. I don't yearn for that following anymore—I think I got it out of my system. There was a time where I had hoped to make a living off of making videos, but that's long since passed. I think I did some cool stuff in that game, and on my channel, but I'm content with leaving it behind and doing other things. Besides, I'll be graduating college in 5 months or so, and I'll have to go off to the real world and get a job. That doesn't leave much room for grinding out video games like I used to do.

I hope I'll still have time for pursuing hobbies and passions—I don't want work to be my whole life. I like poker, I like watching anime, and I'm even trying to pick up drawing. I guess we'll see where those things lead!